"Your Only Son"
I know I can never be someone who I'm not
But I hope I don't become someone you forgot
And all the years that pass; and all the years that fade
Please God will you make this pain go away?
My head is seeing colors; my eyes are seeing lines
I force myself to tell people I am always fine
Because if they took a journey deep inside my mind
They'd run away in fear; they would cower and hide
Why is it that I do the things I know?
Those ideas of self-abuse are ones I can't outgrow
And all the cuts and scars; all the knives and blades
Resemble all the failures resting in my name
I don't even understand the way I always think
Tying irons to my shoes on a ships that always sink
Sometimes I am happy; other times depressed
My mind is like a sickly nose waiting to congest
I think it all started when I lost my father
Who died of a heart attack; why do I even bother?
I could never be the son he expected to raise
I've cried many times over his death that day
What many fail to see; what many can't surmise
The events of a child are never hidden in disguise
They determine you and who you are to date
While we try to cope with all of our mistakes
But I refuse to look back; I refuse to run
There are others out there who rely on me for fun
I have so much left to do; so much left undone
I will stop this self-abuse; for I'm his only son