Sta.sh
"Take My Hand"
Please take my hand
And look me in the eyes
Make me understand
That I wasn't born to die
Don't say those last words
Please don't say its time
I can not concur
Its not time to say goodbye
I feel broken and alone
On many, many nights
But you make me feel at home
Like the stars in the sky
I've watched the world change
I've seen people come and go
Longing to stay the same
But this is never so
Just when things are stable
And at least one step I can take
That's when the cables
Yet again always break
So don't make me sad
Let's run away and hide
And no matter how bad
Together we can cry
Don't bring me down
Keep making me smile
We can tear up this town
We can run away for miles
But if so many people
Went in and out of my life
Maybe instead of them
It was me the whole time
But when futures are tough
And the road is too hard to drive
Can you steer the wheel
Instead of saying goodbye?
Please don't leave me in the rain
I'm not that hopeless all the time
I just want to feel less shame
I just want a reason to be alive
So please take my hand
And look me in the eyes
Make me understand
That I wasn't born to die
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All of the words used are emotional and well chosen, meaningful. They give the poem a beautiful coat of being true to life, to harsh reality and the ultimate line, ''I wasn't born to die'' actually edges to philosophy and the questions of the meaning of human existence.
This would visually be much better if the poem had the stanzaic form, though, as the verse lines aren't organised and make it slightly more difficult to follow. Punctuation could also be added to improve the overall impact and make it look more appealing.
1. I love how you tied the conclusion back to the intro. I would say though, you could have done it better. Just as a suggestion, (not saying that you should fix this poem at all!) in future poems you write, just remember that if you tie a poem like that you should never use the same stanza. You can use one or two lines out of it, but using the whole stanza makes it a little... well, it dulls out the impact a little bit.
2. You and your stanzas. Try to break the poem up a little bit. This one isn't so bad with repetitiveness, but it's long and there is no pause! When you write a poem, you want to let the audience hear your beautiful voice. When you talk, you normally pause, right? Find a place to skip a line; find a place to pause!
Yet again, this is a very beautiful poem. I love the raw emotion that you held in each word. After all, that's what peotry is about, isn't it?
Great job!
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