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"Halloween Party"

I'll never forget her scream; the most delicious noise to my ears
The events still seem clear; the ones from Halloween last year

It was the thirty first of October; I was at a feast
Sort of like a masquerade for summoning deceased

We traveled in the woods by an old cabin place
Away from our neighborhood where we would leave not a trace

It was always tradition to bring someone new
And since I was in charge; I chose the quietest girl from school

You know her kind; the very gullible one
Who will do anything to impress and have fun

That girl who is shy, but wants to break loose
She hides thoughts inside and is easily seduced

I told her about this party; what a way to meet friends
A great way to fit in, but I was playing pretend

So naive and innocent; beautiful virgin skin
But what happened to her was indeed such a sin

Our group started camp; set up fires and stakes
The fall evening was damp; moonlight shining on lakes

We dressed up in black and covered in hoods
Except for that girl; as confused as she should

She had asked me a question; "Where is the food?"
Grinning I said, "Soon, my dear. Soon."

After some chanting; we drank and we smoked
Followed by dancing; some laughed and some choked

The music was playing; people were sharing
Stories and displaying ideas that were daring

But to this poor girl; completely aware
I could tell in her eyes; she was growing scared

That's when it happened; the sound of a gong
We wrestled her down; stripped to a thong

She was begging and pleading; tears in her eyes
With a knife in her thigh; what a surprise!

She rose from our grasp and scampered away
What a silly thing to do for there was no escape

But just for amusement; we watched her squirm
Before impaling her back like a hook and a worm

We removed her nails; hacked her to shreds
Gouged out her eyes; severed her head

We each took a part; devoured her whole
Chewed up her skin and spit the bones in a bowl

Some parts were slimy, but her skin was so chewy
The meat on her bones was dripping and gooey

But that's how its done here down in the south
Her skin was sticking to the roof of our mouths

To wash this down; we drank her blood like tea
Like the tea one would find at a Halloween party

And when it was over; I could have sworn her screams
Echoed in our stomachs; fused in our genes

We played lots of games for the rest of the night
Those who won prizes got to take home her eyes

This is our tradition; we mask it with cheers
Luring the innocent; will you join us this year?

Its really a blast; will you come if I plea
Who doesn't enjoy a good Halloween party?

The festivities are profound; come if you care
I promise with you the best food I can share

But I promise you this; if you say no
You better watch out; you reap what you sow

For this Halloween; my eyes will select
The newest of victims; one who is perfect

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Another poem I wrote. Kind of a story-poem thing. My contribution for Halloween

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Submitted on
October 27, 2012
File Size
3.4 KB
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:iconblood-smeared-words:
At first I was expecting a long grusome story taking place at a Halloween Party, so I was quite surprised when I seen it was a poem story, which made this quite unique and set it apart from other written works in the group. I really enjoyed your use of imagery and such, it really helped me to imagine the whole situation. While canabilism may not be the most orginal idea, the way you wrote it defenitly made it different and that is always a good aspect of any writer one who can manage to make a story(or poetry in your case) unique. I kind of guessed that she would get eaten at the part when she was asking about the food, but when I actucally read all what happened to her, it turned out to be more gruesome than I had anticipated. I understand that to some people I may seem quite morbid, especially with what my next statement will say, but I found it quite amusing when thinking about the way they were impaling her back. I really liked how you used a simile there, it helped to give the reader a better understanding of what had happened there at the party. I think a little bit more detail, epescially gruesome detail would have helped to give a better vison of the torment that was given to this girl and maybe describing the way she looked, or even a little more detail about how innocent she was could have also helped to bring a bit of a stronger impact on the reader, I know when I read stories or watch movies with charcters that I seem to get to know quite well, it always impacts me when something bad happens to them. With this girl, I didn't really feel too much emotion when she was being killed. Except for what I felt lacked just a bit of detail, I really, truely enjoyed this peice. I also loved how at the end of it, you added a little bit of second person into the finished work and made it seem like if the reader(to whom I assume the narrator was talking.) would endure the same methods of torture as the young victim had been though. Very twisted and gruesome, I quite liked it!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
7 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconlibraryatnight:
It's a very effective piece of work. The idea of cannibalism and the ruining of an innocent, naive girl is beautiful, and I applaud you immensely for writing this so wonderfully. There are many modern-day writers who take the archetypal idea of corrupting an innocent, naive, and young girl but they often create terrible books or short stories about them (like many teen pop novels, which feature exactly the archetypal idea of destroying an innocent girl). The cannibalism was frightening, indeed. I haven't read many authors or writers using cannibalism in their themes for their prose.

The structure was also well composed. I love the use of rhymes, as it makes it catchy and hard to not to listen. There are two lines per verse, which I found seductive. It goes away from the traditional four-line verse for poems, so that deserves another brilliant encore. :)

The main character narrating this is certainly scary. From what I was thinking was I was reading, the main character narrating this macabre rite is a tall, dark and handsome man (otherwise, how would he lure the innocent girl)? Of course, I could be wrong. The main character narrating this could be a woman who has seductive features as well (my apologies if the lesbianism offends you in any way). However, if the main character is indeed a tall, dark and handsome man, I say, "Congratulations!" because you certainly went against the stereotype that tall, dark and handsome men are really searching for love and loyalty in pop culture. (Of course, in reality, that isn't true. Everyone is a human, no matter what they look like, so no one can judge on looks.) I really believe that it's the most important factor of an artist. Artists never follow the stereotypes, they are never sheep. Artists are people who truly have a unique vision, a unique perspective, something that will never be found within a flock of sheep who can't think for themselves.

The grammar, though, I have to be most critical of. For example, "its" is completely different from "it's" (notice the apostrophe). You wrote in your fourth to last two-line verse, "Its really a blast; will you come if I plea / Who doesn't enjoy a good Halloween party?" It should be "It's" with the apostrophe for the first word. The word "its" is a possessive pronoun. You use it to portray ownership. Example, "The cat has its own litter box." You do not write, "The cat has it's (it is) own litter box." Same thing for "Its really a blast" since it should be "It is really a blast." That's my only complaint, so if you could dust up all of the "Its" and make sure they're used properly, it would be much better.

Again, you deserve a standing ovation for your writing and vision! I find it hauntingly beautiful, something that I don't see very often in our world today anymore.
What do you think?
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17 out of 17 deviants thought this was fair.

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:icontiaprincessnews:
~TiaPrincessNews Oct 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
tee-hee, this is brilliant
Reply
:icongorybluecat:
Mood: Mortified ~GoryBlueCat Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my god...

I love it...

I just...

Oh god...

It's perfect. It's so perfect. I've never seen anything so dark or morbid (besides what is in my mind). I love it. It kept me on the edge with each word. ^^
Reply
:iconbleedthedream180:
=BleedTheDream180 Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
lolol awesome xD
Reply
:iconlunahate:
~lunahate Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is sooo creepy O.o
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:iconslug22:
Love it, scary dr seuss ;)
Reply
:iconfantasy-warriorx:
~Fantasy-WarriorX Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
o______o. . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . .

I'm speechless
Reply
:iconbleedthedream180:
=BleedTheDream180 Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
haha xD
hopefully a good speechless
Reply
:iconblood-smeared-words:
This was quite gruesome, I enjoyed it a lot, also I have written a critque for you, so you can find out more about my thoughts
Reply
:iconbleedthedream180:
=BleedTheDream180 Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
mhmm i read it
Reply
:iconblood-smeared-words:
Ok, just though I'd let you know :)
Reply
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